Memories

I'm working on memories right now. Remembering. There's a lot in my life, mostly between 18-22? and the time that I was married that almost feels like it didn't happen. I don't remember much of myself in that time, I don't know what I thought or what I WAS. It creeps me out, makes me feel alzheimers onset-ish. I think most of those memories I just pushed down, repressed, so it's hard to bring them forward again. Not hard in the sense of emotionally, just simply hard to remember because I've forgotten my own memories. I'm going to try to go back and remember things, even childhood memories, etc. Might help me keep figuring out this thing called life a little more.

Content

Probably my favorite thing in the world is a large Panera iced-tea and a Shortbread cookie. Is that sad? lol

Cold Roses

My boy has only been gone to his dads for a few days, and will return in 27 more (sigh) but I'm taking it a lot harder than I thought. I don't know what to call this emotion, depression? grief? but it's something I wasn't prepared for. This is the longest he's went for, so I'm assuming that has a lot to do with it. I'm hoping that a good cry in the shower will do the trick, but in the meantime I'm feeling a little more than fragile. :/

I suck at writing today.

Morph

Probably the most ____ (insert perfect word here) thing about life is the fact that things constantly change. For better, worse, weird, etc. They always do. Where you are now isn't where you'll be someday soon. I think there is a perspective that comes with this thought but I don't really know how to explain.

I need you.

So much on my mind today. Love. Memories, hopes, realities, visions, sigh.

Life is so weird. The way it gives and takes. The way things are. Aren't.
I feel the charge in the air, the fire in my veins.
What to do, what to do.

Fail

So much for non-melancholy eh. It's been a weird week. I personally feel really great about myself.. but my relationship is kind of mucky at the moment. I hate that. My first reaction is to flee.. hard for me not to do that. So I'm trying. Hoping things will pan out. One way or another, it always does.

I bought curtains at lunch for my house. I hope they go well with everything. Put the rug down, finish unpacking everything and I'm good to go for awhile I think. I love my house. It only hits me every now and then that it's mine.

Blah blah blah. Snap me out of this funk.